Growing at the Speed of Failure
Don’t be a Workaholic “For Your Kids”
I use to tell people about how I worked day and night “making a life and a future for my children.” I’d get up at 5:00 am and go off to work and come back for dinner – then head back to the office until midnight and repeat this six days a week.
In the course of living that schedule, I saw my kids a few minutes a day then spent all day Sunday with my family – thinking about work.
I lived, thought and dreamed work. It was so bad that every conversation with my wife was about work. When she talked to me about our kids going to the doctor, things that they were doing at school, the schedule for the next week, I would respond with “okay.”
The red flag (as if the above was not) was when my wife planned a weekend family vacation. She planned a nice trip to Chicago – just a short car ride away. I became upset a few days before leaving because for me to leave would put me behind on my work.
My priorities were completely backwards. I said that I was working my tail off for my kids – yet I was neglecting them along the way.
I think I am like most dads out there; we work for the family and the kids’ future, come home, eat dinner, spend a few minutes with the kids then send them to bed and watch an hour or more of TV before crashing.
One study showed that working parents spend an average of 19 minutes a day with their kids. How well can you know your kids if you spend absolutely no time with them? In another way to look at it would be, how well could you do any job if you only invested 19 minutes a day? What would the ol’ boss say if you only showed up for work for 19 minutes a day and you were thinking about your family the whole time you were there? What would he or she think? You’d be fired in less than a week. (Unless you’re living the 2-Hour Work Week)
Is this how couples “drift apart?” They invest no time with each other, they put no time into the maintenance of their relationship, yet they believe they are going to somehow have a growing, lasting, fruitful marriage. This is disillusionment at its peak.
“Where your money (or time, or attention) is, there your heart will be also.” An old quote that rings true even thousands of years later. What are you investing your attention in? Career advancement, relationships, acquiring a bunch of toys? Take a long, hard look at what you are spending your time doing. If you are not spending at least 1 hour a day with your kids or your significant other, change it now before it’s too late!
We parents and spouses need to adjust our priorities. Give up a few hobbies, say no to additional work “opportunities,” choose to cut back on spending if it will allow you to cut back on work hours.
Do some things that your kids or your spouse would enjoy – not what you want them to do. Listen, pay attention to what they are saying, be present with them and make every moment count. You don’t know how much time you will have for them.
Stop using your children as an excuse to work more hours when it is a lie in almost every case. If you can’t handle your kids or your spouse, figure out how before they are no longer a part of your life. Get your priorities straight; you only have one shot and you don’t have forever to get it right. Start today. Search yourself and determine why you are really working so many hours.
Quit something this week and shift the time you were apart from your family, children or significant other to investing in them by spending quality time with them.
